To Challenge Perfection
by Edonil
Summary: Zidane has finally returned to Alexandria. When Dagger asks him how he returned, he takes her into the theatre ship, and introduces her to someone we all know and love, someone who is disgustingly perfect... Dead. Never to be completed.
1. Chapter One: A Play

Edonil: Me again! Don't worry, I wouldn't desert you, my faithful reviewers! So I figured I'd start another fanfic. Once again, it's based on the awesome FFIX. Oh, I need a good name for this, so any suggestions will be most welcome! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: If I owned FFIX, this wouldn't be fanfiction, now would it?

Note to Reader: This starts right where FFIX left off. To recap, Zidane is on stage, he flings off the cloak, Dagger runs forward, dropping her necklace, she leaps into Zidane's arms, she hits him, then hugs him, everybody cheers, and then my story begins.

* * *

**To Challenge Perfection**

**Chapter One: A Play**

"How did you survive?"

"I didn't have a choice. I had to live. I wanted to come home to you."

"So...

"I sang your song."

Dagger smiled up at Zidane. "That's sweet, but I don't understand how you could get from the Outer Continent to Alexandria with only a song. Surely you were hurt!" Zidane looked uncomfortable.

"Yeah, uh… Say, Dagger, maybe you wanna see the rest of the play? Baku will kill me if I delay it any longer, and I can tell you everything while you watch. You don't want all these poor audience members to not get to see the play, do you?"

"Very well… Come." Dagger dragged Zidane up to her seat, only stopping momentarily to grab her pendant. Once she was settled on her throne, Zidane sitting on a stool beside her, Baku came on stage.

"I do apologize for the inconvenience, ladies and gentlemen, but Mr. Zidane Tribal insisted on being a Drama Queen. Now, without any further ado, we return to 'I Want to be Your Canary'."

"So, Zidane, how did you survive?" Dagger demanded in a whisper. Zidane looked around carefully, his eyes finally resting on Adelbert Steiner, Captain of the Knights of Pluto.

"Uh… Perhaps I should tell you later."

"Hmm? Why?"

"Uh… Rusty over there might not like to here it. Trust me."

The applause was thunderous. All the cast came out and bowed, smiling broadly. When at last the clapping died down, the cast left the stage, and the house lights came on, Zidane whispered in Dagger's ear,

"Come. I want to show you something."

"What is it?"

"There's somebody you should meet. He's on the theatre ship."

"I see… Somebody Steiner would not like?"

"You could put it that way."

"I see." Dagger turned to her guards. "Captain Steiner, General Beatrix, Zidane and I are going to speak with the cast. We will not be gone long. Perhaps you two ought to be making sure all the citizens are leaving the castle quickly and efficiently?"

"Of course, My Queen! At once!" Steiner bowed and hurried off.

"Just… Congratulating the cast? Very well…" Beatrix looked at them curiously before following Steiner.

"What's with her?" Zidane asked Dagger. The young queen shrugged.

"Unlike Steiner, she has come to terms with the fact that I have a mind of my own. She probably does not trust you."

"And she left you alone!"

"Of course. I ordered her to, didn't I? Now, who was it you wanted me to meet?"

"Oh yeah… Come on." Zidane led Dagger into the theatre ship, and up to the cast's private quarters. Stopping at an unmarked door, Zidane banged his fist on it, saying,

"It's me! I brought Dagger to meet you."

"The Queen? I feel so… special. And safe," a melodious, educated voice commented as the door swung open. Dagger gasped.

"Kuja!" The silvery genome smiled slightly.

"Yes, Your Highness, it is I. If you wish to kill me, might I suggest you kill the man standing beside you; it is his fault I am here. I tried to convince him to leave me behind, but I fear my manipulation skills are not what they once were."

"Zidane! What… How… _Why!_"

"Sorry, Dagger, but I sort of had to. I saved his life; I couldn't just _leave_ him-"

"Yes you could have," interrupted Kuja. Zidane glared.

"No, I couldn't have. Now, Dagger, please try to be calm and-"

"Calm? You want me to be _calm!_" Her voice raised an octave. "You bring a psychotic mass-murderer into my castle, knowing that he _killed my mother_, and you expect me to be _calm!_ Zidane, what is wrong with you?"

"Sorry. Uh… Would you like to… talk?" He ducked as Dagger attempted to slap him.

"Talk? _Talk!_ Zidane, you had better talk! Explain yourself!"

"I suppose this would be a good time to make my exit?" Kuja commented to no one in particular.

"No!" Zidane said as Dagger yelled, "Yes!"

"Look," Zidane said to Dagger, glaring at Kuja. "He has changed. I swear he has. He's sorry for what he did to your mother. Right Kuja?" Kuja didn't say anything. "_Right Kuja?_" Zidane asked again, his voice hinting that he'd tear Kuja limb-from-limb if he answered incorrectly.

"… Right," Kuja said finally in an uninterested voice that suggested he could not care less.

"See? Trust me, Dagger, I know what I'm doing."

"I wonder, Zidane. Do you really?" Dagger then turned on her heel and strutted away.

"Good job, Zidane," Kuja said, looking uninterested as ever. "It's truly remarkable how well your girlfriend and yourself get along."

"Shut up, you!" Zidane snarled before hurrying after Dagger.

* * *

Edonil: So, what think you? Like? Hate? Something else? Please, tell me! It's not that hard! I swear it's not! And besides, I'm sure you have a thousand good ideas for the title; why don't you tell me them? 


	2. Chapter Two: Dinner

Edonil: You're all too good to me! So I had to write. Besides, my horoscope said yesterday (when I started writing this) that I'd be creative. I took it as a good sign… :) So, as to my lovely reviewers (how wonderful you are!)… Congratulations, RefugeofSouls, for being my first reviewer for this story (I think). And as for your accusation that I'm hypnotizing you, I'm not, I swear ((she says while fiddling with one of those little watches on chains hypnotists use)). You're _imagining_ it… Balthier, I agree; I did need to reveal a little more plot before any good titles can be suggested. Gypsy Queen, I suppose I should add more emotion, etc… Well, let's see how this goes, eh? (And yes, I _am_ Canadian!) Ikecer, interesting title, I might keep it in mind for a future story, but I don't think that'll work for this one… Besides, I think I've got it figured out. But thanks for the input! And so, with very little more ado…

Disclaimer: All I own is… uh… Hmm… Nothing. Not even this computer; it's my dad's.

Advertisement: I've got another picture of darling Kuja on my website! If you go to www(dot)edonil(dot)com, he's near the bottom of my updates page. And while you're there looking at beautiful Kuja, perhaps you could check out some of my other artwork and original stories?

* * *

**To Challenge Perfection**

**Chapter Two: Dinner**

"Dagger! Wait!" Zidane caught up to Dagger, looking worried. "Dagger… Wait!" Dagger hadn't stopped walking; heck, she hadn't even glanced at him. "Come on, Dagger; what's the matter?"

"What's the matter!" Dagger's voice raised another octave. "How can you be so calm!" She then broke into a run.

"Hey!" Zidane hurried off after Dagger. Eidolons, she was _fast_. When had she had time to become an awesome runner? Wasn't she off doing queen-ish things? "Dagger! Please! Just… Let me explain!"

"Alright." Dagger stopped so suddenly Zidane crashed into her. "Explain."

"See, I was in the Iifa Tree, and it was collapsing a little, but suddenly all these vines came at us, so I had to protect Kuja with my body. Then I was unconscious, but Kuja used his magic to heal me somehow. I guess it was like when everybody healed us right before we got Necron. So anyway, I was healed, so I dragged Kuja out, and we both survived. I took him to Madain Sari, and the moogles healed him, and then we left for Lindblum. Dagger, he is an _awesome_ fighter. I probably would've died without him! So… Just give him a chance. Please?" Dagger frowned slightly.

"I…" She looked at Zidane's pleading face, and something inside her broke down. "Alright, I'll give him a chance. Only one, though. And I _will not_ like him. Only tolerate him. Understand?"

"Thank you!" Zidane breathed, relief plain on his face. Dagger only nodded coldly and continued walking.

"Ach!" Zidane hurried after his love. "Dagger, please, please, _please_ don't give me the cold shoulder!" He pouted. "Please?"

"Zidane…" Dagger sighed. "Alright, I won't hate you. But you'll have to work to get me to like you." Seeing Zidane's rather promiscuous look, she added, "Zidane!"

"What?" Seeing her glare, he grinned. "Hey, I can dream!" Dagger gave a rather un-queenly snort. "Alright, alright. My Lady, may I escort you to the palace?" he asked, bowing low and offering her his arm. Dagger grinned and brushed off her dress, seeming to stand taller.

"Zidane, we're already _at_ the palace. And the correct way to address me is 'My Queen' or 'Your Highness', peasant."

"Hmm… My Queen, shall I escort you to wherever it is you are going?"

"Very well, Mr. Zidane." Grinning like the immature adolescents they were, the two 'regally' strutted off.

((Some time later…))

"Ah, there you are, Captain Steiner." Steiner bowed deeply to his queen, giving Zidane only the smallest of nods.

"How might I serve you, Your Highness?"

"Please inform the kitchens that I am dining with only a few companions tonight." Steiner shot Zidane an angry look, then turned his attention back to his queen.

"And how many must the kitchens prepare fore, My Queen?"

"Uh… Three." Zidane looked surprised.

"Three, My Queen?"

"Yes, three." Glancing around, Dagger added, "And I would greatly appreciate it if Beatrix could be present. In fact, why don't you tell the kitchens four; Beatrix can join us."

"Yes, My Queen." Steiner hurried off, looking confused.

"Uh… Dagger, who…?" Zidane asked, his facial expressions similar to that of Steiner.

"I suppose I will have to get used to Kuja, even if I don't like him. And dinner will be a lovely time to talk."

_Yes, of course,_ Zidane thought. _'Talk'. You mean interrogate, I suppose… Ah, well, nothing I can do, and Eidolons know Kuja deserves it._

((Some time later…))

"Oy! Kuja!" Zidane hammered on Kuja's door.

"Ah, Zidane. What a pleasant surprise. Do come in." Zidane had not yet figured out how a man in make-up, a skirt, and a thong managed to sound as suave as Kuja.

"Actually, I'm kinda busy. I just came to tell you you're invited to dinner tonight with Dagger and me at seven o'clock."

"Just yourself and the Queen?" Kuja delicately raised an eyebrow. Somehow, calling Dagger 'the Queen' had made Zidane sound uncouth. He'd have to figure out how Kuja did it.

"And Beatrix."

"Ah. Of course." Kuja smiled politely. "Well, be assured, I will be there." He then politely and amiably inclined his head and closed the door.

It was disgusting. Kuja never did anything more than be polite and respectful, yet he seemed so… refined. He never said a wrong word, oh no; in fact, everything he said seemed to make Zidane sound uncouth, indolent, or just plain vulgar. How could a man who lazed around all day sipping tea and fixing his hair make Zidane sound indolent and vulgar! It wasn't fair…

((Some time later…))

"He's late. Zidane…" Zidane flinched.

"No, he's not, Dagger. See? He still has one minute."

"No, he doesn't. Thirty seconds, maybe." Rolling her eyes at the bickering, Beatrix reached over and turned the clock to face them.

"There, see! Dagger, he has… Uh… Ten seconds."

"Nine seconds. Eight," Dagger counted. "Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Zer-"

Someone knocked on the door. The knock was neither too loud nor too soft. It was assertive, with a slight hint of deference. In short, it was perfect.

Zidane cursed under his breath. Damn perfect, punctual genomes.

"Beatrix, why don't you let our guest in?" Dagger smoothed her skirts, and patted down invisible stray hairs. Getting up, Beatrix adjusted her sword with one hand, patting down her invisible stray hairs with the other. Zidane fluffed his hair out, making it stand even more on end.

"Hello, Kuja," Beatrix said politely, opening the door. Kuja walked in, nodding politely to Zidane, giving a small bow to Beatrix, and giving a formal bow to Dagger once he'd reached the table.

Damn the man!

"Queen Garnet til Alexandros XVII, I was delighted to receive your invitation," he said elegantly. His hair was perfect. Damn him. "I hope I am not late."

"Oh, no," replied Dagger, sounding faintly strangled. "You're just on time… exactly. Please, sit." Smiling politely, Kuja complied.

"Ah!" said the tiny chef from the door. "All zee guests, they 'ave arrived! Announcing… DINNÉ!" Zidane snorted at the man's accent. Dagger glared at him. Zidane shrugged.

"So… I hear you spent some time in Treno once, Kuja," Beatrix said at last, breaking the silence.

"Ah, yes, I did. Have you been there?" Kuja asked, nodding his thanks to the servant who brought him his soup.

"Yes, actually, the Queen recently was on a royal visit there. Fascinating place."

"Indeed. Did you… see any of the sights?" Kuja leaned forward slightly, indicating his interest.

Curse the man, he looked completely at home!

As Beatrix told Kuja about some Treno attraction she had seen, Zidane looked blankly at the cutlery around his bowl. How many spoons could a guy possibly need? Looking helplessly at Dagger, he managed to catch her eye. After a few seconds, she smiled slightly and lifted her own spoon. Taking note of the shape and size, Zidane was able to approximate which one it was.

"Ah yes. I don't suppose you went by Queen Stella?" Kuja was asking Beatrix. "If not, you should visit her some time; her collection of Stellazzio is quite fascinating."

"Oh, I've heard of it. Zidane, didn't you help recover some of those coins?" Beatrix and Kuja turned to Zidane. Zidane looked around uncomfortably.

"Uh… Yeah, when we were off, uh… _questing_, we came across some… all… of them. Uh… They look… nice, I guess."

"Indeed? I suppose you saw them as well, Your Majesty?" Kuja asked. Dagger nodded.

"Yes. I must say, the inscriptions on them told a fascinating tale- Thank you," she added to the servant who removed her soup bowl and gave her a plate of potatoes, meats, roasted vegetables, and other main course foods. Glancing down, she delicately picked up a fork, seemingly at random, as did Kuja and Beatrix.

Glancing down at all his options, Zidane figured he'd wing it. He began to pick up a fork- and hurriedly set it down again when the servant frowned slightly. Watching the servant closely, Zidane moved his hand over the forks. When the servant nodded, Zidane picked it up.

It looked more or less the same as all the others, but what did he know?

The conversation progressed from there. Zidane only vaguely followed it. Something about some people that did something… Whatever. He didn't really care. Trying to eat properly was taking up all his concentration, anyway.

Then dessert came.

Zidane looked at the dish in front of him. Ok, blueberries … So any spoon was good, right? No, probably not. So, uh… That one was big and round; that probably wasn't it. That one was also kind of big; weren't dessert spoons smaller? Uh… That one was small. He picked it up… The two ladies snorted- Kuja simply looked amused.

"Zidane, if you don't know which spoon is the fruit spoon, you could just ask," Dagger said, smiling. Zidane scowled.

"Fruit spoon? What nonsense is this!" Dagger and Beatrix hid smiles behind their hands. Kuja didn't smile at all, of course- he was perfect, as always- but still managed to convey the impression of amusement.

"You must be glad we are not having a royal feast," Kuja said. "After all, then there would be a strawberry spoon, a blueberry spoon, a raspberry spoon-"

"Ok, ok, I get the picture." Picking up the other desert-type spoon- which honestly looked exactly the same- Zidane started eating. The others went back to their aristocratic discussion.

As dinner drew to a close, the discussion turned to summoning magic.

"Ah, yes, Your Highness, I have heard of those writings, but I've never had the opportunity to see them," Kuja was saying to Dagger.

"Really? I don't suppose you can read the script."

"Actually, I can; it was part of my education. Why do you ask?"

"We have a copy here in Alexandria. I've been trying to puzzle out the meaning, but it is difficult. I don't suppose you would mind dropping by the library some time?"

"Not at all, Your Highness."

"Please, call me Garnet."

"As you wish, Garnet." They smiled at each other. Zidane bristled. Curse the man! Damn perfect genomes…

"Wonderful!" Dagger exclaimed. "When are you available?"

"I have copious free time, Garnet. It is not like I have anything to do. Thank you," he added, speaking to the servant who cleared his bowl.

"Really? I don't suppose you're available now?"

"I have nothing better to do now, Garnet."

"Lovely! Beatrix, I don't think we'll be needing you…"

"Of course, Majesty," Beatrix said, saluting. "I will go off and see how big a mess Steiner has made in my absence." Nodding to Kuja and Zidane, she left the room.

"Good idea. And Zidane," Dagger turned to Zidane, "Um… Do you want to come? I can't imagine you'd be interested…"

"I'll go hang out with the guys," Zidane told her. "I'd only be bored out of my mind."

"Excellent! Now, Kuja…" Kuja and Dagger walked off, leaving Zidane alone.

_Dammit!

* * *

_

Edonil: And so, we leave our hero forlorn as his girlfriend goes off to the library with the perfect genome… By the way, as to the spoons, I actually did look up pictures of dessert and fruit spoons, and I didn't see a difference. Google 'fruit spoon' if you're wondering what one looks like. And please review!


	3. Chapter Three: Snogging

Edonil: I love your reviews! They made me laugh… I love your reactions to Kuja and Garnet walking off. But, well… Here's the next instalment. More author's notes at the end. Oh, and Popgoesthebaldie (and anyone else who was wondering), the reason no one is uncomfortable is because most people don't know. As of the end of chapter two, only Zidane, Dagger, Beatrix, Tantalus, and all those pesky servants from dinner know. But I hear that servants chatter…

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my homework (grr!).

Advertisement: ((Cheesy announcer's voice starts speaking.)) Are you bored? Never have any fun? Want to look at something new and exciting? Then head on over to Edonil(dot)Com, the funnest place on earth! ((End cheesy announcer's voice.))

* * *

**To Challenge Perfection**

**Chapter Three: Snogging**

Zidane frowned. Stupid Kuja. He'd gone off with Dagger, so Zidane had figured it was his duty to follow them. The two sat around the library, talking about dusty tomes of no relevance to the real world, until Dagger had finally gone off to bed, and Kuja had started walking back to the Tantalus airship. There had been no romance. Normally, Zidane would be elated, but…

If Dagger wasn't falling for someone as inherently awesome as Kuja, what chance did Zidane have?

Kuja was currently walking across the courtyard, looking at a map he'd scrounged up in the library, completely oblivious to the rest of the world. That was probably a good thing; it seemed that _everyone_ knew about his existence before dinner was over. Darn servants; they never kept their mouths shut. Oh well, it was bound to get out sooner or later.

"Halt!" Kuja looked up slightly. Zidane bit his lip. It was Steiner. This could be… interesting.

"Ah, Captain Steiner. A pleasure to see you." Whatever Steiner had been expecting, it hadn't been that.

"You! You filthy, no-good, double-crossing-"

"I beg to differ, Captain Steiner. I am clean, my intentions are pure, and I have never double-crossed you."

"You… You… You double-crossed the queen!"

"May I assume it is the late Queen Brahne you are referring to, and not Queen Garnet til Alexandros XVII?"

"What?" Kuja had completely lost Steiner. Poor bloke.

"I most definitely double-crossed Queen Brahne, although to be fair, she intended to do the same to me. I have never betrayed your current queen, however; actually, we just had a nice chat. She seems like a lovely young lady."

"You… You… You're the other person she was eating with!" Kuja nodded.

"Indeed. I was surprised to see you weren't there, Captain Steiner. I suppose Her Royal Majesty trusts me," he mused, almost to himself.

"You… You…" Steiner was looking a tad angry. Zidane decided to step in- and then he saw Beatrix.

"Beatrix!" he whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Beatrix! Come here!" She obeyed. "Do you want to go rescue Kuja from your boyfriend?"

"Hmm?" Beatrix looked over at Steiner, who was turning purple. "Oh, of course." Walking over to Steiner, she smiled rather seductively and asked, "Darling? Is there a problem?"

"What? Oh, Beatrix… Do you see who's here? Look! It's…"

"Hello, Kuja," Beatrix said, smiling pleasantly. "I trust you're well?"

"Yes, thank you, Lady Beatrix," he replied, giving his annoying but polite little nod. "And yourself?"

"Splendid. Although it seems Adelbert is having trouble breathing." 'Adelbert' was indeed having trouble breathing; apparently he hadn't been expecting Beatrix and Kuja to get along. "Adelbert, Darling, are you alright?"

"Yes… Fine… Beatrix, can I talk to you for a moment?" he asked in a strangled voice.

"Of course. I'll be seeing you, then, Kuja?"

"Indeed, Lady Beatrix. Farewell, Captain Steiner." Smiling politely, Kuja walked off. Zidane would have stayed to see what Beatrix and Steiner did, but he needed to talk to Kuja about something important, so he followed.

((Some time later…))

"Ok, so… You don't like her?" Kuja smiled.

"No, Zidane, you can fall in love with Queen Garnet as much as you wish; I do not like her like that. Are you satisfied?"

"Yeah, I guess… You're sure?" Zidane wouldn't have asked, but… Kuja was so _perfect_. "No, don't answer that, I know the answer, don't I?"

"Yes, you do. Now, is there anything else you wished to ask me?"

"Well…" Zidane thought for a moment. "If you don't like Dagger, then who do you- HOLY EIDOLONS OF ETERNAL LIGHT!"

"Hmm? What is- Oh!"

Kuja and Zidane had been walking across the courtyard, chatting, thinking they were alone. Apparently they weren't; Steiner and Beatrix were snogging each other senseless nearby.

"What!" Zidane's yell had attracted Steiner's attention. Beatrix looked over at Zidane and Kuja and smiled slightly.

"I'd say we have company, Steiner."

"Company? Company! Beatrix…" Steiner looked scandalized. Zidane laughed. "You! What are you doing here!"

"Walking. Talking. Why do you ask?"

"I… You… He… Wibba… wabba…" Steiner trailed off. Zidane laughed again.

"Well, I'm off. Are you coming, Kuja?"

"I was actually going to go into the city. I was going to meet somebody-"

"Really? Who is it? Is she hot?"

"It's Blank, Zidane. Not a girl." Kuja looked slightly amused. "Contrary to popular belief, I can have friends. I'll be seeing you later then, Zidane, Lady Beatrix, Captain Steiner." Smiling, Kuja walked off.

"I guess I'll be going too, and leaving you two alone…" Steiner snarled at Zidane. Zidane did his best to look innocent- and failed miserably. "Have fun!"

* * *

Edonil: Just for the record, I'm going to be playing with some of the stereotypes that Kuja had picked up over his years in fanfics. That's why I had to make him leave with Dagger, but not have an affair with her. I apologize to everyone who wanted to see a Kuja/Dagger pairing. Oh, and for anyone who cares, I love the word snogging; it sounds so funny! 


	4. Chapter Four: Women

Edonil: Me again! I was suffering from artist's block, so I figured I'd write for a while. So, uh… Here's chapter four, where once again I mock popular fan theories.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my website (edonil(dot)com).

Advertisement: See disclaimer.

* * *

**To Challenge Perfection**

**Chapter Four: Women**

Blank stared at his mug. It was empty. Funny how that worked. One moment it was full, and he was happily drowning his sorrows, and the next, empty.

"Blank?" Blank looked up to see Kuja, his friends… brother. Sort of. Were they really brothers? They were both, like, clones, but different… It was giving Blank a headache. Or maybe the beer was. Whatever.

"Hello, Kuja."

"Are you alright? You look a little under the weather." Typical of the man; he'd never say, "You look awful".

"Yeah. Sort of. Not really."

"Care to tell me?" Kuja asked, sitting down beside him. Blank considered the question for a moment.

"Yeah, I guess. See, there's this girl, Nayeli, and we were going out, but then… She slapped me, and called me faithless, and walked away."

"Why would she do that?"

"I guess she found out about Aoide." Kuja smiled slightly.

"Then I would say that you deserved it."

"Aoide came over about two minutes later, and slapped me. Life's not fair." Blank sighed.

"If you only went out with one lady at a time, you would not have this problem," Kuja pointed out. Blank scowled.

"You know, for some of us, it's actually hard to get a girl!" Kuja looked slightly surprised.

"Are you implying something?"

"Yeah. You probably have girls tripping over each other trying to get to you." Kuja smiled wryly.

"To the contrary, there are women tripping over each other to get away from me. I am a mass-murderer, remember?"

"Yeah, but… You're so damned perfect!"

"Pardon?" Kuja looked genuinely surprised. Blank decided to enlighten him.

"You didn't notice? You never say anything wrong, always behave, you're always eloquent and chivalrous, and have interesting conversations. You never seem to look down on people, and you're always so nice. You gotta get some flaws, man." Kuja looked bewildered.

"I… I hadn't realized. I hope I didn't offend anyone."

"Kuja, you shouldn't care! Who cares if you offended half the world! Honestly, just… You need to get a life. Or a girlfriend."

"I see. Is getting a girlfriend your answer to everything?" Blank nodded.

"Uh-huh. Let's see…" Blank scanned the tavern. "You could ask out… that girl. The blonde over there in the skimpy clothes."

"She is not 'my type'. I am not 'into' girls in no clothing."

"Ok… How 'bout the red-head? She's hot."

"The rule about wearing clothes also applies to her."

"Right. Uh… Can't you be less picky?" Kuja frowned at him. "Ok, ok. How about the brown-haired girl in the corner?"

"The one dressed in the robes of a Priestess of Madeen, sworn to chastity?"

"Oh yeah. Yeah, uh… What about her friend?"

"The one in the robes of a High Priestess of Madeen?"

"Ok… You look, then!"

"Very well." Kuja scanned the crowd. "Hmm… Hmm… I see no one I am attracted to. I apologize, Blank."

"Sheesh! You don't need to apologize! Ok, I have an idea. I point to someone, and you walk over and introduce yourself, regardless of what she looks like. If you really don't like her, you can come back."

"… Very well." Kuja looked rather uninterested in the whole idea.

Blank chose his victim carefully. He wanted to choose someone incredibly hot, someone who was forward enough to break down Kuja's barriers, someone like… her! Bleached-blonde hair, tanned skin, skimpy clothes, and as ditzy as they came. Perfect.

"Her." Kuja looked at the girl.

"You can not be serious."

"But I am. Now go introduce yourself."

"… Very well." Kuja walked over. He bowed slightly to the girl. She grinned. Sitting down next to her, Kuja said something. She said something back. Then she asked him something. Kuja launched into a long explanation of something. She quickly got bored. Eventually, Kuja caught on. He leaned forward and said something to her. Then he pointed at Blank. The girl laughed. Then she told Kuja something. Kuja walked back over to Blank.

"Well?" Blank asked.

"She says that if you want to visit her, you are more than welcome."

"But… She's yours!"

"She had no idea what I was talking about," Kuja pointed out.

"Well… Do you wanna hang out more, 'cause if you do…"

"I am heading back to Alexandria Palace. Have fun." Kuja nodded slightly to the woman as he walked by, and left the tavern.

Well, if Kuja didn't want her…

* * *

Edonil: Ok, that was sort of… random. Ah, well, the next chapter should make up for it. Please review! 


	5. Chapter Five: Kissing

Edonil: Yeah, uh… So I could do homework, and write about why I would make a good English teacher, or I could write this. Hmm… Choices choices… Uh, yeah, I choose this. Sorry for the lack of updates, but they'll continue, I'm afraid. See, I'm putting up my new layout on my site (edonil(dot)com), and that means it's suddenly going to be SSI, so I have to change every stinkin' file name… Not fun. It contains 586 files (I checked). Now, some of them are pictures, but still… Ah well, the new layout'll look nice.

Edonil (cont.): My English skills were saying, "End the paragraph, Edonil!" so I did. Uh, not much else to say, really. I have a couple new email addresses. I'm getting the hang of this owning my own domain thingy. Now I have two emails for you to contact. I have fan(at)edonil(dot)com listed, but that's mainly for my email alerts. I was getting twenty emails a day because of email alerts, and being the organization freak that I am, had to create an email for them. If you want to email me about my stories (and it has been done!), you can also email me at edonil(at)edonil(dot)com.

Edonil (still cont.): By the way, I now have my L licence! Some moron thought I should be allowed in a car! Yippee!

Edonil (again): Looking back, I realize that's a kinda long author's note. Hmm… I hate it when author's notes are longer than the story itself. I guess I'll have to write a lot, won't I? But don't worry; this chapter should be good. (And by the way, I'm not going to laugh at popular fanfic clichés in this. This chapter shouldn't be misleading.)

Disclaimer: It ain't mine. How many ways can I say it?

Advertisement: Speaking of my site, why don't you check it out? I've got some great pictures and original fiction there!

* * *

**To Challenge Perfection**

**Chapter Five: Kissing**

After she had left Kuja, Dagger had fully intended to go to bed. Unfortunately, she couldn't sleep. Zidane was back! And he'd come with Kuja… But Kuja was making an effort to be nice. Dagger liked that. And he could converse about such interesting topics… If Zidane had any flaws, it was that as a thief, he had very little knowledge of more civilized things.

Still, Kuja wasn't Zidane.

Dagger finally gave up on sleeping. Pulling on her white blouse, orange jumpsuit, and red boots, Dagger went outside, figuring she could walk around a bit in the gardens. It was quiet at this time of night, and the lanterns lining the paths gave a peaceful glow.

Suddenly, someone put their hands over her eyes, saying,

"Guess who!"

"Hmm…" Dagger grinned. "I know! Steiner!" The man behind her- Zidane, of course- gave of sound of disgust.

"Wrong."

"Really? I was sure I was right. I mean, you sound just as pompous and self-important and-"

"Hey!" Dagger laughed.

"Hello, Zidane. Can you let me see, now?"

"I suppose." Zidane took his hands off his eyes- then grabbed her shoulders and spun her around so she was facing him. Grinning, he leaned over to kiss her. Grinning wickedly, Dagger side-stepped. Zidane fell over.

"Lose your balance, Zidane?" Dagger asked, laughing. Zidane gave her a dirty look, which would have been slightly more effective if he hadn't been trying not to laugh.

"That was most unfair!"

"Yes, well, you were not behaving… Properly."

"Really?" Getting up, Zidane sauntered over to Dagger and put his arm around her shoulders. "And what exactly is 'properly'?"

"Well, I'm a queen, so you should show me proper respect, remember?"

"Whatever. There's no one to see."

"But-"

"I repeat; there's no one to see." Leaning over, Zidane kissed her.

_Oh my gosh! Great Eidolons! He kissed me! Holy Madeen! What…_

"What on Gaia!" Both Zidane and Dagger jumped. Steiner was looking quite shocked. "Your Highness, did I just see…?"

"Erm…" Dagger felt rather embarrassed. Looking over at her, Zidane smiled.

"Depends, Steiner. What do you think you saw?" Now it was Steiner's turn to look embarrassed.

"Er… Eh… Uh… You two, uh… You know…"

"Yeah, I think you saw what you think you saw," Zidane confirmed. Steiner's face slowly turned purple.

"But… You… The Queen… Wibba..." He looked so confused. And angry. Finally, he seemed to sort out what he wanted to say. "Thief! You should not have… done that… How dare you! I should have you arrested, thrown in jail, and throw away the key!"

"Yeah, whatever." Zidane's arm returned to its previous location around Daggers shoulders.

A bad move.

"How dare you! Scoundrel!" Zidane tried to look innocent.

Dagger couldn't quite follow what happened next, but Zidane and Steiner yelled and argued, and very quickly- she could barely make out the words- and then Steiner was chasing Zidane, his sword drawn.

"Oh my." Dagger looked over at Beatrix, who had just entered the garden. "Adelbert does not look pleased. Whatever happened?"

"Uh… He saw Zidane and me… kissing…" Beatrix nodded amiably.

"Ah. I understand. Poor Zidane. Of course, I imagine he said something to provoke Adelbert." Dagger smiled.

"I suppose you could say that."

"They aren't going to get along, are they?"

"No, probably not." Both women sighed- rather dramatically, I might add. They grinned.

"Ah, well, at least we get free entertainment," Beatrix pointed out.

"Did I miss something?" Kuja asked, entering the garden.

"I am not sure; what do you think you missed?" Dagger asked.

"I just got back from town, and found Captain Steiner waving his sword at a tree, jumping up and down, and shouting insults." Dagger laughed.

"Ah. I imagine Zidane is in that tree." Kuja seemed to think for a moment.

"I… I'm not going to ask. I probably don't want to know. Goodnight, Your Highness, General Beatrix." Both girls responded appropriately. Shaking his head, the silvery genome strolled off.

"I suppose we'd better go rescue Zidane," Beatrix said. Dagger nodded.

"Indeed. I'd rather Steiner not kill him just yet."

"Yet?" Beatrix asked, her eyebrows raised.

"He… He has his uses," Dagger said at last, smiling.

"So what you are saying is… He's a good kisser?" Dagger smiled. "Of course, My Queen."

* * *

Edonil: So much fun! Poor, poor Zidane. I plan to torture him so… And I tried not to mislead you at all in that last chapter! Aren't you proud of me? Please review! 


	6. Chapter Six: More Kissing and a Tree

Edonil: Wee! The new site is up! Mwa ha ha ha… I figured out my problem; it was the program I was using. Adobe Golive was generating garbage. Then it complained about said garbage. Go figure. Anyway, my site has a fancy new look, so go on and check it out!

Disclaimer: I own nada.

Advertisement: My site has a pretty new layout. Go check it out!

Re-cap: So, since I haven't done anything for a while… Zidane came back with Kuja, Dagger didn't know if she trusted him, but decided she did during dinner, Dagger and Kuja hung out (there was no romance involved), Kuja went off to visit Blank (no romance there, either), and Steiner caught Dagger and Zidane making out and had a hissy-fit, and chased Zidane into a tree. (I'm thinking of putting up a re-cap on every chapter from now on, so you guys don't get too lost when I don't update.)

Warning: I'll be disappearing in July; I'm trying to write 40,000 words. I'll be posting the story on my fictionpress account- the story will be called Nightmare. So basically, I'm not updating much in July.

* * *

**To Challenge Perfection**

**Chapter Six: More Kissing and a Tree**

"Ha ha ha ha ha!" Zidane laughed in a sing-song voice. Steiner jumped up and down, shaking his sword.

"Come down here, Scoundrel! Knave! Cowardly-"

"What if I dun wanna?" Zidane asked.

"You… You…" Steiner started hacking at the tree with his broadsword.

"Don't do that! You'll ruining Dagger's pretty tree," Zidane smirked. This only infuriated Steiner, though.

"You foolish, silly, childish, worthless, conniving…" Steiner went on to describe Zidane at great length. Zidane interrupted when the tin man began repeating himself.

"You think that highly of me? I'm touched."

"Now see here-"

"Steiner, what is going on?" Steiner looked over to where Dagger was standing with Beatrix.

"Uh… I was… Uh… Your Highness, uh, I was just… Er…"

"I thought so. How are you doing, Zidane?"

"Great, thanks. Although this tree ain't the most comfortable place to sit." Zidane sighed.

"I thought as much," Dagger said, smiling. "Would you perhaps like to come down. I'm sure Steiner will let you, _right, Steiner_?" Steiner just stood there meekly. Zidane hopped down from the tree.

"Thanks, Dagger." She smiled.

"Now, it's getting late, and I am going to bed, and I believe Steiner is going to forget about this incident." She looked over at the knight, who muttered something under his breath. "Pardon? I'm afraid I didn't here you."

"Nothing, Your Majesty."

"Very well, then. Good night." Nodding to Beatrix, Dagger left the garden, her general in tow. Zidane started walking-

"And where do you think _you_'re going?" Steiner asked.

"The Theatre Ship. You don't mind, do you?" Steiner glared.

"Fine. Go." Steiner turned sharply and walked off. Shrugging, Zidane went back to his plan of following Dagger.

It took him about two minutes to get to Dagger's room. He passed Beatrix on the way, but she was talking to a soldier and apparently didn't notice him. Smiling, Zidane knocked on Dagger's bedroom door.

"Hello?" Dagger opened the door. She was still wearing her orange jumpsuit. "Oh, it's you."

"Yes, it's me. Can I come in?" Laughing slightly, Dagger let him.

"Inviting yourself into a woman's room? Zidane, I'm surprised."

"Really? After all those 'scoundrels', I'd have thought you'd think I was very untrustworthy," Zidane replied, smiling. Then, before Dagger could say anything else and delay the inevitable, Zidane grabbed her and took up from where they had left off when Steiner had rudely interrupted them.

* * *

Edonil: I'd just like to say that this story will not go above its current rating, so you don't' have to worry about me getting too graphic in regards with romance. Just so you know. Please review! 


	7. Chapter Seven: Thoughts

Edonil: I'm back! Really, I am! Sorry for the two-month long wait. In July, I was trying to write 40,000 words (I wrote 40,117!), and for most of August, I've been away on vacation. Updates should be semi-regular, now, although I can't guarantee anything. I'm going into grade eleven, so homework may cut into my writing time. I shall try, though.

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize from the game probably doesn't belong to me.

Advertisement: To read more Final Fantasy Fanfiction, check out freewebs(dot)com/finalfantasyfanfiction/ and it's forum, ffreviewboard.proboards44(dot)com/index.cgi (I'm a member!).

Re-cap ('cause who remembers anything?): Zidane arrived, and showed Kuja to Dagger. Dagger, Zidane, Kuja, and Beatrix had dinner together, and Dagger decided Kuja was an ok guy. Kuja met up with Steiner, who threw a hissy-fit. Kuja and Blank spent some time in Alexandria City, and Blank tried to hook Kuja up with a girl. Zidane kissed Dagger, and Steiner threw another hissy-fit, and Steiner chased Zidane up a tree. Dagger and Beatrix rescued Zidane.

* * *

**To Challenge Perfection**

**Chapter Seven: Thoughts**

Steiner was at a loss for words. First, The Scoundrel had returned. Second, he had brought The Back-Stabbing Lord of Doom. And now The Scoundrel had kissed The Queen. The World was standing on Its Head.

In theory, The Scoundrel should have stayed vanished, and The Back-Stabbing Lord of Doom should have died. And The Queen should have been safe in her castle. The presence of The Back-Stabbing Lord of Doom meant that The Queen was not safe, and as the Captain of the Knights of Pluto, Steiner had to protect her at all costs.

But how?

He could simply kill The Back-Stabbing Lord of Doom, but since The Back-Stabbing Lord of Doom was very disturbingly powerful, Steiner would have to stab him in the back, which was dishonourable. He could not send The Back-Stabbing Lord of Doom away, because The Queen clearly wanted him to be present. The Back-Stabbing Lord of Doom would have to be imprisoned, then, except that first Steiner had to figure out a reason. Killing Queen Brahne might not work; The Back-Stabbing Lord of Doom might have been pardoned for all past crimes. And it would also be dishonourable to set him up. This was not good.

Perhaps Beatrix would know? The woman was intelligent; she should have plenty of ideas. But she seemed not to mind The Back-Stabbing Lord of Doom's company. Perhaps if he could convince her that The Back-Stabbing Lord of Doom was a danger to The Queen… But no, that would never work; Beatrix had to know something Steiner did not, because she would never allow herself to be fooled.

Clearly, the problem presented by The Back-Stabbing Lord of Doom required more thought, and could not be corrected immediately.

Steiner turned his thoughts to The Scoundrel. When he had thought The Scoundrel was dead, he had mourned, of course, and had even been sorry to see The Scoundrel go. At the time, The Scoundrel had seemed honourable. But his current behaviour said that he had fooled Steiner. The Scoundrel was an actor, and apparently a very good one. That was all there was to it. Curse him! But what could Steiner do? The Queen had still been grieving The Scoundrel's 'death' moments before The Scoundrel appeared, and had seemed genuinely happy since his return. It would never do to get rid of The Scoundrel. No, he would have to be subtler with The Scoundrel. That was not good; Steiner was not at all subtle, and he knew it. Beatrix could be subtle. Maybe he should ask her? But no, she would probably say to let The Queen and The Scoundrel do as they wished.

Perhaps he could set some of his knights to watch The Scoundrel? If The Queen or The Scoundrel asked, he could say he was making sure that no harm came to The Scoundrel. The Queen would accept that. And hopefully, if The Queen accepted it, The Scoundrel would accept it. Yes, that would work. But which knights to set on The Scoundrel's tail? Blutzen and Kohel, maybe. They should be able to do the job and keep their mouths shut. That decided, Steiner started searching for the two knights.

Finding them was not easy. Why was it that his knights never stayed where he told them to? When Steiner finally found the two (sitting by the dock, laughing and drinking beer), he scolded them before giving them their assignment.

"Now, I want you two to begin following Zidane around. If anyone asks, you two are guarding him, keeping him safe."

"Then… What are we really doing, Captain?" Blutzen asked.

"You are going to be watching him, and protecting the Queen from him. Do you understand?" Blutzen and Kohel looked at each other for a moment.

"So… You're saying… You don't trust him near the Queen, and we're to keep them from getting cozy?" Kohel asked. Steiner glared.

"Yes! Now go!"

"But Captain, he'll be in bed now…"

"Fine! Stay here! But I expect to see you to trailing behind him tomorrow! And stop drinking; it is not proper for knights to drink!"

Fools. But they would do as he told them to, for the time being. Hopefully. If they remembered. Perhaps they would have hangovers in the morning; it would serve them right.

That done, Steiner went off in search of Beatrix. She might be able to help him with The Back-Stabbing Lord of Doom. Or at least explain his presence here.

* * *

Edonil: Another chapter done! If you haven't forgotten about me entirely and given up on this story due to lack of updates, please review! 


End file.
